Still Grieving, Still Guilty

It's been almost a month since I lost my beloved Bowie.  I'm still in so much pain!

I have tried to love another...I have been caring for Bowie's sister, Angel for almost a month. I have decided not to keep her.  It's not her, it's me.  I just don't love her like I did Bowie. She deserves to not live in her sisters shadow. She deserves more.

And I still and think always will feel so guilty.  A day has not gone by that I have not relived those few moments before the accident. Each time, I make different decisions and there is always a different outcome...one which results in Bowie being back in my arms. Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I was so stupid. I know I will never make those same mistakes again. I'm just so sad that it took losing Bowie to learn that lesson.

On a happy note, I now have a fenced in yard.  Arrow does not know what to do with his new found freedom...Although I am still very paranoid about escape and probably will not allow unsupervised romps for a very long time.

So, please this  holiday season hug your furkids a little closer and more often. Never take them or their  good behavior for granted. And if you wish to do something to ease my pain...please make a donation of money, food, blankets or toys to your local animal shelter in memory of my beautiful Bowie.

Thank you

Moving Forward

Moving Forward....It's not just a campaign slogan...It's a way of life.

Bowie Memorial

Hello Everyone. I can’t tell you all enough how your words, thoughts, concerns, blessings and prayers have warmed my heart these last couple of days. And I know many of you have been waiting to hear something from me regarding the loss of our Beloved Bowie.  Well, I haven’t been ready and quite frankly I’m not really sure I am ready now nor may I ever be. But here goes.

Any of you who know me well, know, that I have said over and over that I didn’t want a puppy. Not to keep anyway. That’s why it was so easy for me to take on the responsibility of helping my friend Carol Hein-Creger socialize some of her puppies that didn’t have forever homes yet.  The puppies are fun and cute, playful and energetic and very easy to give back after a week or two. I didn’t want a puppy.  I am all the times espousing the virtues of “adopting adults”.  You’re saving a life. You know what you’re getting. They might be already be partially trained…You all know the schpeel.

And then I met Bowie.  She didn’t have a name when I first met her and I started calling her Macy (with Carol’s approval). I actually thought she was kind of homely when I first saw her.  At least compared with the other Belgian Tervuren puppy I had cared for. Bowie had a REALLY long face and gigantic ears and little beady eyes.  Her coat was all fluff, except for a strip down the middle of her back, which was longer, more adult like hair.  Her tail was so long it dragged on the ground.  But then I got to know her. And before my eyes, by way of my heart she became beautiful! Bowie was so outgoing and super friendly. She wasn’t wary or reserved like most Tervurens I had met. And most importantly Arrow really liked her. Yeah, of course, he was his usual calm, suave, cautiously curious self when he first met her. But didn’t take her long to break open his heart and for the first time in months, since Darla had gone to live in New Jersey, I saw Arrow playing with exuberance and joy. He, of course, would play with Bowie but he was also playing with his toys again.

And then there was the fact that, in spite of what I thought was going to be my husband’s response, when I asked David if we could keep her, it didn’t take too much time or thought before he said YES! We could keep “Macy”, along with the caveat that we would have to change her name.

The name change came with much thought and negotiation because although I loved the name Bow, to go along with Arrow, but it just seemed to masculine to me.  What when David suggested Bowie, I knew we had a winner.

So, I now had a new puppy, Bowie and she was great!! And what an attention getter she was.  I had to start scheduling extra time if I were going anywhere with her because everyone wanted to meet her and ask about her.  I soon learned that I was going to have to get the correct pronunciation of Tervuren down.  Her training was coming along great and she was a true Velcro dog, who stuck close by and happily turned and came running whenever you called her name.  She had just recently discovered squirrels and I realized that soon I would not be able to trust her off leash during the day when the squirrels were out. She had also just recently taken to running towards people, especially children who came down the side walk. I knew that I needed to step up her recall training in the presence of distracters (squirrels & people). But I just hadn’t yet gotten around to it.

So, do I carry some responsibility for what happened on Thursday night? Absolutely! Was Bowie’s own youthful exuberance and friendly nature partially to blame? No doubt! But what happened Thursday night was a confluence of events that all came together in one terrible, horrific split second. One second that I can never get back.  Accidental deaths are so devastating! I know from experience.  My father died in a tree cutting accident 14 years ago.  That was the most painful loss I have ever experienced. Bowie’s loss is a fairly close second.  It’s hard to explain why that is, but I don’t think I need to explain it. It just is. We are all grieving (except for Winston who is clueless and probably thankful he won’t be herded into the corner anymore). Arrow is sullen and extra quiet and staying extra close. David is crushed! And me, well if you see me smiling, please know there are tears, many tears, when there is no one else around. 

So, today I want to honor the memory of Bowie and all the furkids who bring so much love and joy to our lives. 

If you have been thinking about getting a new or additional pet, today is a good day to act. You see, I didn’t want a puppy…But there was something special about Bowie. So, please visit your local shelter and see if you can’t find your someone special. And if you have all the doggie love you can handle right now, Please think about making a donation of money, blankets or food to your local shelter in honor of Bowie Pizzoferrato.

Now please take a moment, grab some tissue and view this video that my wonderful husband, David put together of our favorite Bowie pictures.

http://animoto.com/play/oYagPfZ1qOrBy3bs2LhkOQ

Thank you everyone and hug your furkids and commit to training, now and for a life time… for me and for Bowie!

Lazy Trainer

The weather was awful this weekend; cold and rainy on Saturday, then warm and rainy on Sunday. It was one of those super lazy weekends where I had no obligations and nothing to do except hang around the house. And that's all I did.

On Sunday afternoon, as I was standing outside, between downpours, watching Bowie sniff around in the grass looking for somewhere to "go", I realized something about myself.  I'm a lazy trainer.  What do I mean by lazy? I guess what I mean is, I don't feel the need (let alone the gumption) to set aside time each day to work on JUST training the dogs (in this case the pup, Bowie).

But  I also realized something else. On lazy days like this past Sunday, when I'm a total slug, my dogs are probably learning the most.

Because even though I may have been a lazy trainer this weekend, I was also completely present.

Let me give you an example.  I as standing out in the yard with Bowie when a bicycle approached.  Bowie, being ever vigilant as a good Terv should, caught sight of him way up the road.  She sat down in the wet grass and she watched. She didn't ran after him. She didn't bark.  I moved closer to her, just to be safe. And as the biker got right in front of us, she looked up at me and I was there, I was present....I saw it and I was ready. I said, "yes" and gave Bowie the dried liver already loaded into my hand.  She gobbled it up  as she turned quickly, looked back at the bike and sat down again. The bike was now down the road and then she did it again. She looked up at me.  'Yes!", I said as I gave her another liver treat.  Bowie then trotted over to another area of the lawn, squatted and peed. I said "go potty" and when she finished, I again said, "yes" and she happily sprang over to reap her reward.

You see, I didn't do any formal training with Bowie at all this whole weekend. But I realized I had caught her being good so many times and was present enough to notice and to reward, that it didn't matter.  I nurtured what she gave me and in turn she gave more to nurture.  THAT is what real learning is all about.  And now, I don't have to feel guilty about being a lazy trainer.  ;-)

Cuteness overload

My puppy is soooo cute! Sure, I know that's what all the pup mom's say, but in my case it's true.  So, what makes my pup cuter than the rest? She's mine of course....And those ears help! And did I mention her super long tail....Adorable!

Food

So do you remember the good ole' days when you brought home a puppy you would just stopped at the local grocery store and pick up a bag of puppy chow? Well, I do and believe me, sometimes I wish it were still that simple.  It was almost that simple 16 years ago when we got Winston. At that time it was  Science Diet.  It was the most highly recommended dog food by veterinarians and breeders and quite frankly at the time, it was the very best dog food available.

Now a days, there's as many different methods of feeding, formulas and brands of dog food as there are, well, Dogs.  It can get very confusing.

So, I have this puppy.  She came to me with a couple of cans of puppy food (Chicken Soup for the Puppy Lover's Soul) and a bag of dry. When I decided to keep her as my own I had some decisions to make and 3 1/2 weeks later, I'm still at it.

Bowie has a sensitive stomach.  When we first got her she would throw-up, oh 4-6 times per day.  At first, I thought it was volume.  She was eating more than her little puppy stomach could hold. And that was probably part of the equation.  But even as I feed her smaller, more frequent meals she was throwing up. Only now she was throwing up 1 1/2-3 hours after eating.

So what was I going to do?

So, my Winston is still on Science Diet.  He's on the canned senior formula. I've tried to switch him to "better" brands, but I think he was on Science Diet for so long, his system just cannot take the change...That may be why dog food companies used to tell us to NEVER switch there food if they are doing well...That advise was an insurance policy for the future.  Arrow eat raw.  He's been on raw since March of this year and is doing great!!! No problems, no issue.  I will put this pup on raw, but I'm really nervous about feeding raw to a puppy.  They have so many more nutritional needs.  But she throws up.  So I already knew I wanted her on a grain-free formula.

This is what I believe about grains in dog food.

*I don't think dogs need grain. It is not a natural part of a canine diet. It's a cheap filler in dog food that provides little nutritional value.

*If a dog is going to have a problem (allergy, sensitivity), I know it will probably be from a grain.

*Today's grains (especially those found in dog food) are almost always GMO's and are toxic from all the pesticides sprayed on them.

So hey, I don't want that for my dogs!

I also knew I wanted to give her canned food.  Canned food is less processed and provides more nutrition and adequate moisture. Although, I do like giving interactive toys filled with kibble. So, I would probably do an occasional dry kibble meal for the sake of learning and training.

So, I couldn't find a canned grain free puppy formula locally that I could actually afford, so I ordered on line.  Bowing has been on this for almost a week.  3 small meals (about 1/2 can each) and one dry meal in a toy in her kennel when I need her to be occupied.

Well, she still throws up sometimes.  Not as much. But sometimes. I cannot let her drink too much water or she pukes.  If she chews up a stick outside, she pukes.  This puking happens almost immediately after the ingestion, so I have a pretty good idea of cause and effect.

But today, I had been to the pet store and I was giving her dry kibble as a treat and when I got home...She threw up and it was mostly kibble.  Now I didn't see her eat anything else, but I guess she could have while we were in the store.

So, I guess we will stick to the status-quo.

And maybe, I might just have to start feeding her raw...It's the final destination anyway!

Go Potty

Today my pup, Bowie came to the kitchen door, sat down in front of it and whined! When I let her out,  she ran into the yard and went potty.  Both pee and poo! How cool is that!

The Name

So as David gave permission to keep the puppy he also announced she would need a new name.  You see, we were calling her Macy (along with Baby, Pup, Puppy, little one). It was a name her breeder (Carol) and I agreed upon (remember, she wasn't my dog).  I would have liked to call her Betty. I don't know why, I just like it. But Carol definitely didn't like it.  So I sent Carol a list, Mika, Macy and Rosa. Carol liked these names in that order. But I liked Macy the best, so that's what I started to call her.  David hated it....He couldn't remember it and generally thought it was stupid.

So, as soon as we knew we were keeping her, we began the arduous task of picking a name we could both agree on. I, of course, suggested Betty. NOPE, that wasn't gonna do. Then he suggest Bow....As in Bow and Arrow.  GREAT idea, but masculine. She was a sweet little girl.  How about Bowie then? It's girlie, but you could still say you had Bow and Arrow.  So Bowie it is! And truthfully, it fits her perfectly. And within a week she was turning towards her new name like she had had it forever!

Dog Blogging

So today I am a blogger.  I'm not sure what that all means, but I guess I'll find out.  I'm not very disciplined with things like this, but I'm really going to try to make a go of this.

The reason I'm doing this is that I have a new puppy, Bowie.  A 15 wk Belgian Tervuren.  It's the first puppy I've owned in 16 years (I'm not counting Arrow who was pretty much physically grown by the time I took permanent custody of him) and it's a really interesting process.

So I got Bowie on Thurs. Sept. 13th, Three weeks ago.  I got Bowie from a friend of mine who breeds Belgian Tervuren (Tervs, for short).  I took Bowie into my home with NO intention of keeping her.  Why's that, do you ask? Well, my Friend, being the good and responsible breeder she is had these two extra puppies....Puppies that had not been purchased yet and had no furever home, that needed to get out into the world, experience life and be socialize during the critical 8-15 wk imprint period. So I agreed to take one of her puppies for a couple of weeks. I had done this before for my friend. And she really has wanted me to keep a puppy. And although I liked the other puppy, I was never interested in having a puppy. I already have 2 dogs and quite frankly puppies are just too much trouble....Then I met Bowie. Bowie wasn't her original name either, but I'll write more about that later.

So Bowie is this really sweet, outgoing Terv.  If you know anything about Tervs, you know they just are not very social.  They tend to be wary of new people, dogs and experiences. So this one, this little Terv really surprised me. Yet I was going to stay strong. Remember, I didn't want a puppy. But as the days wore on and I spent more and more time with her, she really started to grow on me.  And then, Arrow played with her.  That was huge. Arrow, my 5 year old mix breed had always been very aloof with the other puppy I took care of.  He was not interested in her at all.  And Arrow, who has actually been acting a little depressed since his best friend, Darla had gone to live in New Jersey in March, was just way too "above" any puppy. But he like Bowie too. That meant a lot to me. So what was I going to do? Deny my feeling and now desire and Arrow's as well, or go for it and see, if by some chance, my husband would allow this critter into our lives for the next 12-14 years.  Well, obviously, I went for it and pleaded my case to keep her.  And you know what, he said, YES!

So now I have a new Terv puppy and a new blog...We'll see how it all goes.